When you start thinking at what the future holds up for you, how would you feel?
Well, I for a start, feel excited and thrilled. The work and success stories that may perhaps appear under my name do feel gratifying. But underneath all that, I sporadically experience this feeling of fear, a timidness of whether I would actually be one of them.
One of the them who most particularly, implements their ideas and thoughts on the world. One of them who ensure that their work does instill a difference, a change, showing the righteous path for the people. One of them who assures that their work disgorge an actual amount of significant effect on all mankind. The ones wanting to leave a mark on the planet as they depart, so their name and achievements could be enchanted a copious amount of times by the many who have profited from them.
This devastating thought, pulls me further towards the dark side. Well, not like the dark side portrayed in Star Wars where people suddenly experience a transition from good to evil. The dark side I point to, is the side of hopelessness and bitter fear which signifies whether may fail to ignite the flame that hold conceptions and ideas. A side so dark that there are days where I wake up and get an instinctive feeling that everything could go south.
It leads to a feeling of deep mental disturbance. Clearly, I don’t mean it affects medically, but it rather culminates a rage, so intense, so berserk that it alters my wake-sleep cycles and persistently exasperate me at the back of my head. I do, at times, attain feelings of joy and content from different instances, but they instantly mitigate, thanks to the miserable thought.
Naturally, I am not an optimist. I abhor optimism due to its senseless basis that everything’s going to be all right even when you know it’s not. In turn, I analyze the negative views of the situation and probably that’s why I’m intimidated.
But I won’t position this pessimistic feel in a state of culpability. No. On the contrary, I would thank it. Because, frankly, it’s what drives the inner force in me, the force to persuade myself and make me do what should be done, so I could console myself that it might not end up so bad after all. If you look at it from a different perspective, the evolving rage and anxiety could actually be the key to push me everyday, so I make sure that I do, in fact, make an impact on this world.
Many of you would demur and ultimately denigrate my notions and opinions. But, I do reiterate my statement and will do for many years that it’s better to observe the horrors and miserable periods of the dark side rather the bliss and gleeful moments of the happy one, for the dark area only provides you a glimpse of what happens if you fail. From my experience, that unique type of fear enhances the motivation in you to a large extent.
It drives you forward and provides a surge of energy. This energy becomes so prominent and omnipotent in your mind that at a point, it transforms, using imagination as its most efficient ingredient, to create something called a ‘VISION’.